Remember those pre kid things you did? The things that made you feel alive and free? I used to love sifting through op shops, going to gigs, travelling, and one of my all time favourites, drinking wine and eating chocolate while my housemates and I gave one another epic long massages. And I did them all without the slightest inkling that one day things would be different. Oh so different.
Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change things. I don’t regret this new life for even a split second. I honestly don’t wish I could trade the poopy nappies and little hands needing me almost constantly with a gig at the Northcote Social Club.
These days are made up of changing nappies, helping kids in the bath, pulling apart stubborn Lego pieces and facilitating an outfit change for the tenth time. They mean that I enjoy new things, or perhaps appreciate is a more appropriate word for it. These days I appreciate simpler outings or events.
My simple pleasures look like this now…
* Grocery shopping alone
* Shopping online and getting excited by postal deliveries
* Having a shower
* Having a shower without kids in the bathroom
* Listening to my own music
* Reading, even if it’s with a sleeping bundle of baby in my arms
* Laying down in bed at night, worn out to my bones and feeling full in my heart
* My morning coffee
* Seeing the world through their eyes. Through their eyes of innocence and imagination.
* Hanging out with my hubby of an evening watching a favourite show – we just finished Cold Feet.
My heart is more alive than it’s ever been.
My heart feels more than it’s ever felt.
My heart breaks more than it ever did.
My heart sings for joy and soars with love like never before.
For now, these days don’t include late night gigs at bars, but rather late night snuggles with my babies. And that’s ok, it’s more than ok. I might be completely spent and have days where my only goal is to be kind to these little people amidst the daily grind and sleep deprivation, but my heart is full and I am exactly where I want to be.